ADMIRAL SQUIRT IS A CREATION BY TONI FINN, WHO LIVES IN THE PACIFIC NORTHWEST AND HAS BEEN DIFFICULT TO TRACK DOWN. HOWEVER, ONE SECRET INVESTIGATOR THINKS TONI FINN IS ONE OF THE FOLLOWING PEOPLE:
1) A FRUSTRATED PIMPLED TEENAGER WHO RAN OUT OF PROACTIVE AND FINDS HIMSELF SEQUESTERED IN HIS MOM’S BASEMENT WRITING CARTOONS, PLAYING PS3 AND EATING HOT POCKETS.
2) A SCHOOL TEACHER WHO RETIRED EARLY BECAUSE OF CLINICALLY DIAGNOSED INSANITY DUE TO THE STRESS OF MONITORING CHILD FLAGGERS IN THE SCHOOL ZONE.
3) A NAVY SEAL WHO’S IDENTITY MUST REMAIN CLASSIFIED FOR REASONS REGARDING NATIONAL SECURITY AND ALSO SO HE WON’T GET HAZED BY HIS COMRADES.
4) A FORMER MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL MASCOT WHO SUFFERED A SEVERE KNEE INJURY DURING THE 7TH INNING STRETCH AT A PHILLIES GAME.
5) THE MOM OF THE FRUSTRATED PIMPLED TEENAGER WHO ALSO EATS HOT POCKETS AND HAS HER OWN STASH HIDDEN FROM THE REST OF THE FAMILY.
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